How Far We've Come
by Lizzie9
Summary: 3 years after season 3, Meredith, lost in her relationship with Derek, and hiding a huge secret from him, takes a leave to LA, where she finds a familiar face. She and Addison forge a friendship that finds answers for them both.
1. Chapter 1

**Title: How Far We've Come**

**Authors: Sara And Lizzie**

**Rating: T for language, mild sex**

**Disclaimer: Not ours, not ours, not ours.**

**Summary: Three years after the season three finale, Addison is fully entrenched in LA life. She has everything there: a boyfriend, best friends and a private practice. She's cut all ties to Seattle, until Meredith, terrified at her engagement to Derek, his flirtation with her sister and her attraction to a certain steamy surgeon, joins her practice. Can Addison help Meredith figure out what she really wants before it's too late? **

**Author's Note: We have two new fics coming out. This one and "Let The Angels Commit" which should be up next week, but we'll also be updating our other ones far more regularly. Promise. **

**REVIEW. **

_I'm waking up at the start of the end of the world. _

It was a gorgeous day in Los Angeles. Blue, cloudless skies, a sun that beat down on the city, basking it in warmth. Addison practically woke up with a smile on her face. Her boyfriend was gone, but she didn't worry about him. Pete was always up before her, jogging by the water.

* * *

It was raining in Seattle. Meredith didn't wake up, because she had been awake all night, staring at the rain dripping down her window pane. Derek was on call, and by the time he got home, she would be gone. She was engaged to marry him, yet she still found him, teasing her little sister.

And now, there was this. This thing, this person in her stomach. She hadn't told him yet, and she wasn't going to before she went away. It was too much to process, to handle. She would destroy the child like her mother destroyed her, she was sure of it.

And the secret that had been plaguing her for a month. It was the last night she had gone out before she realized she was ten days late. Tequila was coursing through her bloodstream; Derek's fault. She had seen him leaning against the wall, talking to Lexie, who twirled a strand of hair around her fingers and giggled. And she had been so drunk she couldn't see straight, and when Mark drove her home, she kissed him. Hard and deep, it lacked the passion she kissed Derek with, but she had been tempted to drag him up to her room.

She supposed it was good that she hadn't, but the fear and the guilt and the endless waiting for Derek to come home and tell her he'd made a mistake by proposing had worn her down, completely.

She was leaving. She signed a three month contract with a private clinic in Los Angeles. She gathered her things, and left the letter for Derek by the door where he would see it on his way in.

The sound of a car honking outside showed her that Cristina was waiting to pick her up. She begged experience to the chief, but Mark knew why she was leaving, and he signed her transfer papers, promising not to tell Derek. Meredith knew she was being selfish, endangering the friendship that always hung by a thread, but she didn't care.

She boarded the plane like a corpse, showing no emotion at all as she took to the skies, and ran away from her problems.

* * *

"You were gone when I left this morning." Addison said to Pete in the elevator, swinging their hands back and forth lazily.

"Sam needed my help." He said. "Bringing in a new doctor this morning. Three month contract. Surgical background."

Addison turned to him and blinked. "No one told me that." She pouted. Pete grinned, leaning forward to kiss her.

"Happened quickly. She needed to get away or something."

"Where's she from?" Addison asked.

Pete shrugged. "Hell if I know. I hauled a chair into her office though." Addison smiled and leaned in to kiss him again.

"How very manly of you." She murmured.

The elevator doors dinged open, and Naomi raced over to them and grabbed Addison by the wrist. "It's Meredith." She whispered.

"What?" Addison asked. "I can't hear you…"

Naomi tried to pull her aside, but Addison was staring straight ahead, into the shell shocked eyes of Meredith Grey.


	2. Chapter 2

**Title: How Far We've Come**

**Authors: Sara And Lizzie**

**Rating: T for language, mild sex**

**Disclaimer: Not ours, not ours, not ours.**

**Summary: Three years after the season three finale, Addison is fully entrenched in LA life. She has everything there: a boyfriend, best friends and a private practice. She's cut all ties to Seattle, until Meredith, terrified at her engagement to Derek, his flirtation with her sister and her attraction to a certain steamy surgeon, joins her practice. Can Addison help Meredith figure out what she really wants before it's too late? **

**Author's Note: We have two new fics coming out. This one and "Let The Angels Commit" which should be up next week, but we'll also be updating our other ones far more regularly. Promise. **

**REVIEW. **

_Can you tell me what my life is gonna mean if it's gone?_

Meredith stared at Addison, and Addison stared at Meredith, unsure of what she felt. Her anger at Meredith had long since faded, but Los Angeles was her sanctuary. Her sunny, beachside oasis where all of the hurt, rain and confusion of Seattle faded into a distant memory, somewhere above the palm fronds. Only now, the torment of Seattle was staring her in the face.

Addison felt the anger rise inside of her, but forced herself to look at Meredith. Her eyes radiated the pain of someone lost, someone who was looking for a little sanctuary herself. "Do you two know each other?" Sam asked, looking back and forth between the two women.

Naomi rolled her eyes. Addison opened her mouth to say something snarky, but Meredith's eyes got wide. She clapped a thin hand over her mouth and bolted. Violet shrugged. "I'll make sure she's okay." She offered, hurrying towards the bathroom. Before Addison could utter another word, she felt herself being ushered into Sam's office, with Pete and Naomi in tow.

"What the hell is going on?" Sam asked, slamming the door. "What did you do to the new doctor?"

Addison glared. "The new doctor is the reason Derek and I divorced." She snapped, knowing she was being completely unfair.

"I hired the lusty intern?" Sam asked, blinking. Pete snaked an arm around Addison's waist, causing her to sigh.

"It's complicated, Sam." She said softly. "Like everything in Seattle, it was complicated."

* * *

Mark was sitting in his office, doing paperwork, when the door opened so hard it hit the wall on the other side with a bang. Derek strode in and slammed a piece of paper on his desk. Mark picked it up and began to read it out loud.

"Derek," he read, "I guess by now you've figured out that I'm gone. Well, not gone. Just for three months. A temporary transfer. I need to figure some things out, Der. I did something I'm afraid you'll hate me for. And there are things, big things I haven't told you. And there's you and Lexie. I need to be away. Don't give up on me."

Mark looked up. "Okay." He said slowly.

"You would have had to approve the transfer!" Derek thundered. "Where the hell did she go?"

Mark shook his head. "Derek…" he said. "She asked me not to tell you."

"She asked you not to tell me?" Derek shouted. "Why? What the hell did you do to her?"

Mark stood up. "Think about what you did!" he said. "What the hell is this thing with Lexie?" he asked. Derek looked at the floor guiltily.

"I don't know." He muttered.

"I'm not telling you." Mark said. "I'm sorry, Derek, but she has things to work out. Trust me."

"Trust you?" Derek shouted. "Trust you with my fiancé? Jesus, why the hell would I trust you?" Mark winced, remembering the night they had sat in his car, and he had leaned over those last few inches and fused his lips to hers. The look in her eyes had been torn, between horror at being the next ex Mrs. Shepherd and desire. He averted his eyes and shrugged.

Derek slammed the door, and left the room.

* * *

Addison clicked into the bathroom to find Violet leaning against the sink, and the sound of someone throwing up. "Meredith, are you okay?" Addison asked tentatively. She heard her vomit a few more times.

The toilet flushed and the stall opened, Meredith appeared, wiping her mouth with the back of her hands. "I'm fine." She murmured. Addison watched her as she splashed water on her face, and shook her head.

"You're approaching three months." She said. "One of these nights you're going to pop, and you'll be showing." Meredith and Violet stared at her, both gaping. Addison recognized a deer in the headlights sort of fear in Meredith's eyes.

"Does he know?" Addison whispered.

"No." Meredith said back, just as softly.

Addison looked at her, her eyes asking the question she couldn't vocalize. Meredith held up one shaking hand, revealing a glittering ring. "We're engaged." She whispered.

"Have you had an ultrasound?" Meredith shook her head. Addison nodded. "Come on." She said. She didn't speak again until they were staring at Meredith and Derek's baby on the ultrasound monitor.

"When's the wedding?" Addison asked.

"November." Meredith whispered. "We thought about inviting you, but…" she trailed off and looked up. "I'm sorry. That I'm here… it's just…." She shook her head.

Addison wiped off her stomach, and switched off the monitor. She sat down and dropped her head into her hands. She took a deep breath, and when she looked up she looked past her ex husband's ex dirty mistress turned fiancé, and looked at the girl who looked like she was teetering on the edge of a breakdown.

Addison sighed, knowing she would regret this somewhere down the road. "Meredith, tell me what's happening." She said.

"I'm pregnant. He has no idea, because he's too busy flirting with my sister to notice." She swallowed hard and tired to fight the tears falling down her cheeks. "I just… I kissed Mark. And I don't know if I can marry him if I don't tell him. But I'm terrified of what will happen if I do. And he just… my sister. And he asks me what's wrong, and I say I'm fine, when I'm afraid he doesn't love me and I know I'll be a terrible mother." She said very fast.

Addison shook her hands, staring, wishing she hadn't asked.


	3. Chapter 3

**Title: How Far We've Come**

**Authors: Sara And Lizzie**

**Rating: T for language, mild sex**

**Disclaimer: Not ours, not ours, not ours.**

**Summary: Three years after the season three finale, Addison is fully entrenched in LA life. She has everything there: a boyfriend, best friends and a private practice. She's cut all ties to Seattle, until Meredith, terrified at her engagement to Derek, his flirtation with her sister and her attraction to a certain steamy surgeon, joins her practice. Can Addison help Meredith figure out what she really wants before it's too late? **

**Author's Note: We will be updating our fics far more regularly. Promise. **

**REVIEW. **

_I believe the world is burning to the ground. _

"Hello?" Addison asked, picking up her cell phone.

"Where the hell are you?" Pete asked. Addison dug her toes into the sand wiggled them.

"The beach." She said casually.

"The beach?" Pete repeated slowly.

"The beach." Addison confirmed cheerily.

"Where's the new doctor?" Pete asked hesitantly.

Addison rolled her eyes. "I'm not burying her body or anything. Her name is Meredith and she's right next to me." She glanced over. Meredith didn't seem to notice she was even speaking. She was staring out at the water, running her fingertips methodically through the sand. "We're going to need the day off." She said quickly.

"Everything okay?" Pete asked.

Addison shifted slightly. "I'm fine." She said, lowering her voice. "I don't know about…" she trailed off. She had whisked Meredith from the ultra sound into her car and driven right to the beach. The tension between them had faded, and she had started worrying about Meredith, and the baby. She looked thin, too thin for someone who should start showing any day.

"Got it." Pete said. "Love you."

"You too." Addison said, smiling. She hung up and turned to Meredith. "Talk to me." She said. Meredith glanced at her, then turned her face back to the ocean, shrugging.

"I don't know if I can." She said with earnest intensity. "I… He divorced you for me."

Addison sighed. "I love Derek." She said. "I always will. He's a part of me, a part of my life. But I haven't been in love with Derek for a long time. And I stopped being mad at you a long time ago."

Meredith shot her a dubious look, and Addison smiled. "It was shocking to see you here. I've built a real life here, Meredith. And I cut off contact with the past because I had to, in order to move past it and grow. And seeing someone, a part of the past, was unsettling. But I… I'm worried about you, Meredith." Meredith drew her knees to her chest and nodded.

They sat in silence for awhile. "I don't know what to do." She admitted. "So I ran away."

"Does anyone know what's going on?"

"Cristina. Alex. Izzie and George. Mark a little."

"Mark?" Addison asked, her voice sounding slightly strained.

"He's chief you know." Meredith said. "He had to approve my transfer. He wouldn't have. He probably shouldn't have, but…"

"I'm not judging you." Addison said softly. Meredith nodded, and gathered thoughts in her head, struggling to say what she felt.

"My sister." She said finally. "He won't stop flirting with my sister."

"You have a sister." Addison said slowly.

"Half sister. My dad. And Susan. And Lexie, that's my sister, she and Derek… I don't know. I can't think. I'm _pregnant_, Addison. And all I can think about is if he still loves me."

Addison felt a surge of anger at Derek. She stood up and pulled Meredith to her feet. "Come on." She said. "We're going shopping."

* * *

Derek stormed through the hospital to the cafeteria. He found Meredith's friends huddled under an umbrella outside, despite the rain. He loomed over them, fuming. Alex looked up at him and laughed.

"I don't find this funny, Karev." Derek growled.

"Maybe Lexie does." Izzie said bitchily. "She's usually giggling when you're around." Derek sucked in a breath, struggling for a response.

"Where is she?" he asked, sounding defeated.

Cristina snorted. "Wouldn't you love to know?"

"We're supposed to be getting married!" Derek protested. His cell phone started ringing. He glanced down at the number and did an obvious double take. "Addison?" he said picking it up.

"You selfish son of a bitch." She said. Derek said nothing, completely baffled by the phone call.

"What are you talking about?" he asked.

"She's a wreck, Derek! She's dropped to an unhealthy weight, and she thinks you don't love her. Now, what would give her that impression?"

Derek closed his eyes. "She's in LA." He said slowly. "I'm coming down there." He said.

"Don't you dare!" Addison snapped. "Absolutely not!"

"We're engaged, Addie!" Derek shouted.

"And she doesn't trust you. She doesn't want to see you." Addison sighed, her voice softening. "Give her time, Der. I'll try to get her to call you later." She clicked off the phone before he could say anything else. Meredith emerged from the clinic with her bag.

"You ready to shop?" Addison asked. Meredith smiled timidly and climbed into Addison's car.


	4. Chapter 4

**Title: How Far We've Come**

**Authors: Sara And Lizzie**

**Rating: T for language, mild sex**

**Disclaimer: Not ours, not ours, not ours.**

**Summary: Three years after the season three finale, Addison is fully entrenched in LA life. She has everything there: a boyfriend, best friends and a private practice. She's cut all ties to Seattle, until Meredith, terrified at her engagement to Derek, his flirtation with her sister and her attraction to a certain steamy surgeon, joins her practice. Can Addison help Meredith figure out what she really wants before it's too late? **

**Author's Note: We have two new fics coming out. This one and "Let The Angels Commit" which should be up next week, but we'll also be updating our other ones far more regularly. Promise. **

**REVIEW. **

_The cars are moving like a half a mile an hour  
and I started staring at the passengers waving goodbye.. _

For the second time in as many days, Derek barged into Mark's office without knocking. "Dr. Shepherd, what can I do for you?" Mark quipped.

"I'm sorry I was an ass." Derek said. Mark shrugged.

"Don't mention it." He suggested, his body flooding with guilt.

"I don't know why I do it." Derek said, sighing and sinking into a chair. "The thing with Lexie. I'm not even attracted to Lexie. But I know I flirt with her. And I know how much it hurts Meredith. But I still don't know why I keep doing it."

Mark nodded and folded his hands. "You gotta figure it out, Der." He said. Derek nodded and they sat in silence.

"I can't sleep." Derek admitted.

"What?" Mark asked.

"I can't sleep without her." Derek mumbled. Mark made a face.

"Oh, get out of here." He said. "That's disgusting, Derek. You're soft, you know that?"

Derek grinned in spite of himself and rose from his chair. "See you later chief."

"If you're not too busy crying to yourself." Mark shot back. Derek left and closed the door, and Mark dropped his head into hands. His mind was suddenly back in his car, a few weeks ago.

_She was giggling, but that was the tequila making those lips curl into smiles. "Mark, this is just so silly." She said. "After everything he and I have been through, all he can do is make my sister blush. My sister." _

_Mark put a hand on her shoulder. "I know Mer. He's an ass sometimes." _

"_That's the thing," she continued in her light, drunken, sing song voice. "It really is only sometimes. Other times it's perfect." _

"_I wish there was something I could do." Mark said. _

_She turned her head to face him and giggled again. "Well you kept me from killing myself in a car crash. That's a start, Mark Sloan." _

_He grinned at her, in spite of himself, a full on McSteamy grin, regardless of the fact he was parked outside the house she lived in with his best friend. "Glad to be of service, Meredith Grey." _

_Her smile widened and she opened her mouth in fake surprise. "Are you mocking me, Chief?" she asked, her voice dripping with sarcasm. _

"_Only a little, Dr. Grey." He said. She started laughing, and undid her seat belt. _

"_It's stuck." She whined. "What kind of piece of shit car is this anyway, Sloan?" _

"_This piece of shit is the newest Benz on the market, Grey." He said, reaching down to unbuckle her seat belt. _

"_Practical Mark. A convertible in Seattle." He titled his head skyward, to where the stars and moon shone brightly. _

"_It's practical tonight." He said, looking back at her. He found their faces close, too close. Her lips were right there, and he leaned forward without thinking and captured them in his own. _

Mark shook his head to clear the image from his mind. He leaned back in his chair, wondering why he had to endanger so much. Not only was his friendship with Derek hanging in the balance, he would also lose the bond of friendship he had with Meredith if this went badly. He bit his lip and sighed, unable to put his finger on why he had acted on that particular impulse.

A thought he had been ignoring floated through his mind gently and then exploded like a grenade. "No." he said out loud. "You don't love her. You can't."

His slightly ajar door swung open and Cristina Yang's appeared in his office. "You don't love her. You just always want what Derek has, but you don't love her. So don't make my best friend another Addison or I'll hunt you down. Clear?"

Mark considered her for a moment. "Clear." Cristina nodded and walked off. Mark stood up at his desk. "Yang!" he yelled. "Don't talk to me like that!"

* * *

For an indefinable reason, Meredith felt like the gridlocked traffic on the 405 was a sign. As she sat, awkwardly in the passenger seat of Addison's convertible, she couldn't help but feel like everything was falling apart. She looked over at the woman honking in the Land Rover next to them. Meredith found herself wondering who she was. Was she married? Was her husband flirting with her sister?

She bit her lip and Addison sighed. "You have to tell him." She said. "About Mark and the baby."

Meredith turned her gaze back to the other cars, this time to a woman in a Volvo with twin car seats in the back. She bit her lip and tried hard not to cry.

"I don't even know if he still wants to marry me." She admitted.

"Meredith, please." Addison said, rolling her eyes. She slammed on the brakes as the traffic stopped again. "Derek tore down his whole world for you. He threw it all out to be with you."

"What if he's pulling away from me?" Meredith challenged, suddenly belligerent. "What if that's just what he does?"

Addison inched the car forward in the gridlock traffic. "He's a good man Meredith."

"How can you say that?" she cried. "How can you say that after what he did to you? How can you be in this car with me after what we did to you? Maybe you're just stronger than me, Addison."

"Stop whining, Meredith!" Addison said loudly. "Take control of your life, for God's sakes. Don't be a doormat. Address these issues with him. I know why you ran away, but Jesus, he threw away a marriage to be with you."

They sat in silence, as the cars crawled along the freeway. "I can forgive him, and you, because I know it wasn't cheap. It wasn't a cop out like it was with me and Mark. He loves you. And you love him. You just need to learn to work at it, Meredith."

Meredith stared at her, and finally nodded. Addison smiled at her, a real smile, and picked up her phone to call Pete and tell him they would be late for work. And just like that, the traffic cleared, and they were flying down the 405.


	5. Chapter 5

**Title: How Far We've Come**

**Authors: Sara And Lizzie**

**Rating: T for language, mild sex**

**Disclaimer: Not ours, not ours, not ours.**

**Summary: Three years after the season three finale, Addison is fully entrenched in LA life. She has everything there: a boyfriend, best friends and a private practice. She's cut all ties to Seattle, until Meredith, terrified at her engagement to Derek, his flirtation with her sister and her attraction to a certain steamy surgeon, joins her practice. Can Addison help Meredith figure out what she really wants before it's too late? **

**Author's Note: We are trying to update and not suck. Sorry. Stick with us. **

**REVIEW. **

_Can you tell me what was ever really  
special about me all this time…_

"Have you heard from Mer?" Mark asked as he and Derek slid into a booth at Joe's each holding a drink. Derek frowned and shook his head.

"I don't know what I should do." He admitted. "She hasn't called. She needs space right? Or does she need a sign from me that she should still want this? I don't know if I should leave her alone or go down there."

"You'd go to L.A.?" Mark asked.

Derek shrugged. "I'm very afraid of what Addison will do if I show up."

"The universe certainly has an odd sense of humor." Mark said, chuckling. Derek watched him for a few minutes and then grinned in spite of himself.

"Talk about ironic." They sipped in silence for a few moments, each lost in their own thoughts. Mark was swimming in guilt, trying to rise above it. Rationalizing, doing anything he could to keep the words from bubbling over. He had thought about what Cristina said, and he knew she was right. He was tired. Tired of the one night stands, the multiple women and the meaningless flings. He wanted what Derek had; something real.

Derek's head was spinning with thoughts of Meredith. He was desperate to find the answer to his own actions, but a part of him already knew what that answer was. Lexie was Meredith before he chose Addison. When she was still relatively trusting, relatively open, relatively carefree. And the knight in shining armor part of him thought that if he could figure out what made Lexie that way, he could fix it in Meredith.

Derek looked up at Mark. "We'll be okay, right? Me and Mer?"

Mark smiled confidently. "Of course you will be. You're Derek and Meredith." Derek eyed him, smiled tightly and finished his drink in one long swallow.

"Right." He said.

* * *

Meredith sat at the table, feeling as horribly uncomfortable as she ever had in her entire life. Naomi, Violet and Addison were real grown ups. They were successful. They had it together. And they inevitably saw her as the slutty intern that had stolen Derek from Addison. Naomi watched her intently, taking in her thin face, her scared expression, her skittish movements.

"Does she know we're not going to hurt her?" She asked Addison, who reached over and gripped Meredith's shoulder.

"Meredith," she asked sarcastically, "Do you know that no one is going to hurt you?"

Meredith smiled tightly. "Sorry." She said. "I just wish I could drink." She turned to Addison. "Are you sure I can't drink?"

Addison rolled her eyes. "You are _pregnant_." She said, as if Meredith had forgotten. "Meaning you can't drink." Meredith looked down and began shredding her napkin methodically into strips.

"Do you fidget this much in surgery?" Naomi asked.

"Come on, Naomi." Violet interjected. "She's obviously upset. Why do you think she's here?"

"Well I wouldn't know." Naomi said.

"You don't have to antagonize her." Violet said diplomatically.

"Well if she would make an effort to explain anything about why she's here. Or better yet, how she wound up engaged to Addison's ex husband."

"Okay!" Meredith said loudly. Addison picked up her wine glass, a bemused expression on her face. "Stop talking about me like I'm not sitting in front of you. I don't want to be here with all of you and your holistic healing crap thinking I'm Derek's mistaken affair who got a lucky break."

She paused to breathe as Naomi and Addison stared blankly at her. "Derek won't stop flirting with my half sister, because she's happy and trusting, the way I used to be before he chose… before everything and I let Mark Sloan kiss me. I kissed him _back_. And I can't tell Derek that I'm pregnant because I'm afraid he's finally realizing I'm not good enough for him." She said. She took another deep breath and fixed her eyes on the table.

"And I'll screw up my kid as much as my Mom screwed me up." She mumbled. "That's why I'm here."

Silence fell over the table, broken by Addison starting to laugh, followed by Violet and Naomi, and finally Meredith, in spite of herself. "Oh, welcome to L.A., honey." Naomi said through her laughter, raising her wine glass.

Meredith smiled shyly, but tapped her iced tea glass against Naomi's wine. "Cheers." She said. Meredith looked at Addison, who was smiling at her.

"I…" Meredith started. "I don't know what to do." She whispered. Addison smiled, and under the cover of the table, squeezed Meredith's hand for a brief moment.

"We're going to figure it out." Addison said.

* * *

There was mist falling from the sky as Mark and Derek exited Joe's. The moon was shining, partially covered by clouds. Derek turned to Mark. "Thanks." He said.

"For what?"

"For coaching me through this." Derek said. "And for sending her somewhere you knew I'd find her."

"I kissed her." Mark blurted out. "One night you were flirting with Lexie at the bar. And she was sitting there, taking shots, looking like she just wanted to die, and you didn't even notice. You got paged, and she was trashed, so I took her home and outside, in the car, I kissed her." He looked down at his feet. "I'm sorry, Der."

Mark forced himself to meet Derek's eyes, and they stared at each other for a few seconds, until, for the second time in their lives, over the same girl, Derek's hand connected with Mark's face. Mark stood there, not bothering to wipe the blood from his face and kept his eyes locked with Derek's, who stared back at him in shock.

"Go ahead." Derek spit out at him. "Are you going to declare your love for Meredith too?"

"No." Mark said quietly, shaking his head. "I just… I want what you have, Derek. Not who you have."

"Is that why she left?" Derek demanded. "Is that why we're supposed to getting married and she's gallivanting around Hollywood with my goddamned ex wife?" He shouted. He slammed his fist into his hand. "Is that why you approved her transfer? Send her to the other woman who covered up a fucking affair with you?"

"It was one kiss." Mark said, his tone perfectly even. "I don't know what I was thinking. But you can't pretend that's the only reason she's gone, Derek. You ignore her. You're hot for her one minute and the next minute, you brush her off. You flirt with Lexie and I don't need to get into how much that exacerbates the Daddy issues."

Derek strode away, pulling his cell phone out of his pocket.

Addison was laughing, pleased that Meredith was finally opening up. When she had seen her come in, Addison would have put her on the first plane going as far away from L.A. as possible, but she was ironically becoming quite attached to her. Meredith pulled her phone out of her pocket.

"Hi." She said softly. She bit her lip, tears forming in her eyes.

"I need to ask you something." Derek said.

"Wait." Meredith said. "I have to… Derek, I… I'm pregnant." She whispered.

_I believe the world is burning to the ground,  
Oh well, I guess we're gonna find out,  
let's see how far we've come._


	6. Chapter 6

Title: How Far We've Come

**Title: How Far We've Come**

**Authors: Sara And Lizzie**

**Rating: T for language, mild sex**

**Disclaimer: Not ours, not ours, not ours.**

**Summary: Three years after the season three finale, Addison is fully entrenched in LA life. She has everything there: a boyfriend, best friends and a private practice. She's cut all ties to Seattle, until Meredith, terrified at her engagement to Derek, his flirtation with her sister and her attraction to a certain steamy surgeon, joins her practice. Can Addison help Meredith figure out what she really wants before it's too late? **

**Author's Note: We have two new fics coming out. This one and "Let The Angels Commit" which should be up next week, but we'll also be updating our other ones far more regularly. Promise. **

**REVIEW. **

_I can't remember caring for an hour or so,  
__I started crying and I couldn't stop myself…._

"You're pregnant?" Derek echoed.

Meredith bit her lip. "I'm sorry." She whispered. "I wanted to tell you, but Derek, so much is wrong with us."

"No." he said gently. "There's nothing wrong with us. I love you, you know that." He said.

"Do I?" she asked, tears dripping down her face. "I know you do sometimes."

Derek's defenses rose. "What the hell is that supposed to mean, Meredith?" he demanded. "I love you. I love you and you should know that."

The table had fallen silent as Addison, Naomi and Violet all watched her, trying to think if there was something they could do.

"What about Lexie?" she demanded. "There. I said it. What about my _sister_?"

"What about Lexie?" Derek echoed incredulously. "You have the nerve to ask me about Lexie when you kissed Mark?" Meredith gasped.

"How do you know that?" she breathed.

"I know that because he fucking told me, Meredith. He told me, you didn't."

Her tears started to fall harder. "I'm so sorry Derek. I didn't mean to…"

"How could you, then? He's Mark, Meredith. Addison, I could live with, but this is you. You're you. And he's Mark."

"You were at the bar with my sister!" she cried, her voice rising. "I don't know what to do to make you happy! Half the time, it's perfect, and the rest of the time…"

"Don't blame this on me!" he thundered.

She stopped speaking, choosing instead to let silent tears run down her cheeks. She felt helpless, like everything they had built was slipping away from them, and there was nothing she could do to stop it.

"I'm so sorry." She whispered. "But, Derek, the baby…"

His anger dissipated immediately. "Our baby." He said, smiling. "God, Mer. How far are you?"

"Almost three months." She said. "I got an ultrasound. Addison says so far so good, but…"

"But what?" Derek coaxed his voice soft. Meredith hesitated.

"She says I need to eat more. And I haven't been sleeping." She admitted.

Derek dropped his head into his hand and sighed. "I'm sorry, Mer." He said. "I know things aren't perfect right now, but why don't you just come home, and we'll work it all out?"

"I can't." she said quickly.

"Why not?" he asked, the edge returning to his voice.

"Because I came here to figure things out. And I haven't figured anything out yet."

"What exactly do you need to figure out?" Derek asked, feeling sick to his stomach. "If this is about Mark…"

"It's not about Mark!" she practically shouted. "He's a friend Derek. He drives me home when I see you making eyes at my sister, and I drink so much I can't see you anymore!"

"Oh, don't blame your drinking on me." He snapped.

"And this is why I need to figure things out. We're miserable half the time, Der! I don't know if you still love me! I don't know if you really want to marry me!"

"We're having a baby, Meredith."

"Are we?" she challenged. Derek couldn't say anything. He felt like she'd punched him. "Meredith, you can't."

"Of course not!" she shouted. "I'll have to put this child through hell, because it'll make you happy! I'm sure Lexie wouldn't even think of not having it, since she had such a picturesque childhood."

"You're seriously thinking of getting rid of our baby?" Derek asked, sounding wounded.

"I… I thought about it, but Derek, I'm not drinking, I'm taking pre natal vitamins…" she trailed off. "I just… we're broken, Der."

"And who's fault is that?" he shouted, his anger returning to the surface and bubbling over.

A sob escaped her lips. "Derek, please." She said.

"No!" He shouted. "You want to stay on the beach and figure things out, go ahead. I'll do some thinking of my own."

He waited for her to hang up, or say something, anything. But all he heard was Addison's panicked voice, calling her name.

_I started running, but there's no where to run to, _


	7. Chapter 7

Title: How Far We've Come

**Title: How Far We've Come**

**Authors: Sara And Lizzie**

**Rating: T for language, mild sex**

**Disclaimer: Not ours, not ours, not ours.**

**Summary: Three years after the season three finale, Addison is fully entrenched in LA life. She has everything there: a boyfriend, best friends and a private practice. She's cut all ties to Seattle, until Meredith, terrified at her engagement to Derek, his flirtation with her sister and her attraction to a certain steamy surgeon, joins her practice. Can Addison help Meredith figure out what she really wants before it's too late? **

**Author's Note: We have two new fics coming out. This one and "Let The Angels Commit" which should be up next week, but we'll also be updating our other ones far more regularly. Promise. **

**REVIEW. **

_I sat down on the street and took a look at myself…_

Mark came outside of Joe's after washing the blood from his face in the bathroom to find Derek pacing back and forth in the parking lot.

"What the hell is going on?" he asked, blinking at Derek.

"I called her." Derek admitted.

"Oh you didn't." Mark said.

"You're not in a position to make comments." Derek snapped. Mark considered this and thought it best not to argue. "I called her, and we fought." He said.

Mark put his hands in his pockets and waited for Derek to continue speaking. "We fought about you. And us. And Lexie. And I said things. And I didn't mean them, I just… I got scared, and angry…"

"How did you leave it?" Mark asked tentatively.

"She didn't respond to the last thing I said. I heard…" he trailed off.

"What?" Mark urged.

"I heard Addison, saying her name. She sounded worried. I haven't heard anything since."

"Do you want me to…?" Mark trailed off. There were a thousand ways he could end that sentence. Get you a bottle of scotch? Leave? Call someone?

Derek responded by shaking his head. Mark took that to mean he didn't have to leave and sat down on the curb, watching his friend pace back and forth. "Have you tried calling her back?"

"Oh my God!" Derek exclaimed sarcastically. "I hadn't thought of that. What would I have done if you weren't here?" He glared at Mark. "Of course I have." He snapped. "No answer."

"Derek, I'm so sorry." Mark blurted out. Derek looked down at him, preparing to lay into him when his phone rang, shattering the tense silence.

"Mer?" he answered frantically.

"I'm sure Meredith would love to talk to you." Addison said through the airwaves. "Unfortunately, that's not going to happen, since we're at the hospital right now."

"The hospital?" Derek repeated. Mark stood up instantly and shot to Derek's side. "Addison, is she okay? And the baby?"

"Oh, she's fine now. But when pregnant women faint from the stress of their fiancé yelling at them so loudly everyone at her table can hear him, they keep them overnight for observation." She paused, waiting for Derek to say something. When he didn't she exploded. "What the hell is wrong with you?"

"She kissed Mark!" He shot back.

"She told me." Addison replied calmly. "And she told me about how you flirt with her half sister because she's happy and trusting. Like Meredith was before you chose me." Derek inhaled sharply. He'd known that was true, but no one had ever said the words out loud before.

"Point is," Addison continued in her flippant fashion, "You're throwing away your one great love or whatever you think she is. She's the best thing you're ever going to have Derek. Don't ruin it because you're a stubborn asshole." She hung up the phone. Mark eyed Derek's cell phone with admiration.

"LA did a lot of good for her." He remarked. Derek sank down to the curb and put his head in his hands again.

"She thinks I don't want to marry her. No matter how much I tell her that I do…"

Mark scoffed. "Please. People have been telling her things for her entire life." He said. "No wonder the words don't mean anything."

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

"Derek, I can't figure everything out for you."

"I'm ruining it." Derek said. "The best thing that ever happened to me, and I'm throwing it all away."

"So stop." Mark said simply. "Stop and find a way to fix it."

Derek paused, then sat up, ram rod straight. "I'm going to LA." He announced.

_Where are you going when you know the world is headed for hell? _


	8. Chapter 8

**Title: How Far We've Come**

**Authors: Sara And Lizzie**

**Rating: T for language, mild sex**

**Disclaimer: Not ours, not ours, not ours.**

**Summary: Three years after the season three finale, Addison is fully entrenched in LA life. She has everything there: a boyfriend, best friends and a private practice. She's cut all ties to Seattle, until Meredith, terrified at her engagement to Derek, his flirtation with her sister and her attraction to a certain steamy surgeon, joins her practice. Can Addison help Meredith figure out what she really wants before it's too late? **

**Author's Note: We know how long it's been. But we're back. Other things are being updated. Consider this our comeback.**

**REVIEW. **

_Say your goodbyes if you've got someone you can say goodbye to...._

"Do you think this is stupid?" Derek asked Cristina. She fixed him with a poignant look that served to answer his question. "Okay." he ventured slowly. "You think I'm an ass." Another look. "Fine. You think I'm a stupid ass. But I love her."

"Actually, I don't think." Cristina snapped. "I know you're a stupid ass prone to making absurdly obvious comments." She sighed and looked at him. "And I know you love her. But you suck at showing it."

"I-" Derek began to protest, but the murderous look from Cristina cut him off.

"No excuses." she snapped. "Flirting with Little Grey and being a jackass one day and then McDreamy the next is unacceptable. Either love all of Mer, the good and the bad, or end it now."

"I do love all of her!"

"Then enough with Lexie. Enough with the mood swings. Get over yourself."

"Get over myself?" Derek shot back. "She kissed Mark! Not to mention the surprise child we're having!"

"So she got drunk and kissed Mark once. Forgive and forget. And if you can't connect the mommy and daddy issues with abandonment and figure that out, I will embark on a mission to get your medical license revoked!" she all but shouted at him. Derek stared at her, blinking in disbelief.

"How does Burke put up with you?" he asked. Cristina shot him another look and he held his hands up in a surrender position, then crossed them across his chest, sitting in silence.

* * *

"I'm sorry." Meredith said to Addison as they left the hospital.

"What could you possibly be sorry for?" Addison asked, as she pulled out of the parking lot. Meredith sighed, and looked at her for a long time.

"I ruined your marriage. Your perfect marriage. For what? Something so… messy. So… imperfect." She said. She looked up at Addison again, and then averted her gaze to her hands. "And now I'm here, interfering in your life again, and I'm sorry."

Addison sighed. "Our marriage was so far from perfect." She said. "I cheated on him. With Mark, of all people, if that's an indication of how imperfect it was." Meredith just looked at her. "Oh, Meredith, it was a drunken kiss. Not the same thing."

"Tell Derek that." Meredith muttered.

"All I would have to tell Derek is that it's Meredith, and it will be forgiven. He loves you. And you being here is turning out not to be so bad." She said, smiling.

Meredith smiled back. "I always thought that under different circumstances, we would have been friends."

Addison reached over and squeezed Meredith's hand. She knew it was stupid, and would probably get her in over her head, but she couldn't help herself. Meredith looked so lost. "And the circumstances have changed." Addison said.

They drove in silence for a few minutes until Meredith spoke again. "Did Derek sound…?" she trailed off. "How did Derek sound?" she asked, rephrasing her question.

"Worried. Concerned. Horrified. Ridden with terror." Addison said, braking as the traffic slowed. She flicked on her turn signal and pulled into the parking lot. "Speaking of concern. Light work load today, okay?"

"Whatever you say doc." Meredith replied dryly.

"Oh my God." Violet said, as the elevator doors opened and they entered the practice. "You're pregnant."

"Which we knew…" Addison said, looking at Violet strangely.

"But you look pregnant." Violet said. Meredith and Addison both began inspecting her stomach. Addison smiled at Meredith.

"You popped." She said. The elevator doors opened again, but the three women were too busy inspecting Meredith's stomach to pay attention to Pete or Sam.

"Meredith?" Her head snapped to the elevator, and there, standing in the practice, as the doors slid shut behind him, was Derek Shepherd.

_I believe the world is burning to the ground,  
I guess we're gonna find out. _


End file.
